It’s no secret that most church folk (or most christians in general) are secretive about their sex life. Why? Well honestly I don’t know. God created sex for man and woman under the covenant of marriage to ENJOY! I understand not everyone needs to know every little detail of what the heck goes on in your marriage bed – but on the flip side, I also think it’s a little contradictory to our beliefs as God’s children when we don’t share what has helped us in our journey to becoming better husbands and wives. I’m about to let you in on the 3 things that has significantly helped my husband and I’s sex life. But first, let me tell you this:

If you’ve been following our story for a while now, you probably know that Elliot (my husband) and I got married 10 months after meeting. We remained celibate as best as we could for as long as we could given our circumstances. He moved to Indiana to start a life with me in November of 2018 and stayed in my parent’s basement while I stayed upstairs in the room that I grew up in. So yeah, I guess you can say he did live with me, but it wasn’t my house so not really. Lol. My parents are two of the best people you’ll ever meet in your life and they know the voice of the Lord. They were cool with Elliot staying with us because they knew that what we had between us was a God thing. Elliot and I made a commitment to God not to have sex with each other until we got married because we wanted to do things the right way this time and honor the Lord with our bodies. But BOAH was it hard knowing that sexy chocolate man was in my basement and I could go down there at any time to get what I wanted! We were dating long distance for 6 months before he moved and things were definitely hot and steamy between us.

Alright let’s speed this story up so we can get to the good stuff.

On the night we got married (moments after he proposed to me), we consummated our marriage and it literally felt like my first time — like the Lord had completely wiped away my past and made me a virgin all over again just so I could have that “first time” experience with Elliot. It was truly the most amazing night of my life. We drove to Chicago the next day as a mini getaway and stayed for a few days. That’s when I experienced my first ever orgasm. Yeah, you read that right. I never had an orgasm until I got married *insert cringe emoji*. When they say married sex is the best sex, they weren’t lying! We’re headed towards year 3 of marriage and as much love making we’ve done, there hasn’t been one time that I missed an orgasm. Never. Our sex life had been AMAZING…

Up until the time I gave birth to Elora (our daughter).

Things changed drastically after I had her. I’ll spare you the details but I’m sure you know some of the major changes a woman’s body goes through after childbirth: hormones, body image, reality shifts…sex-drive. All of those factors played a huge part in our sex life taking a turn for the worst. There were times when after the dreaded 6-10 week period after labor & delivery, we would go as long as 2-3 months with no sex. My poor husband. Up until recently, it has been extremely hard for me to get in the mood for it, no matter what the brotha did. I hated the feeling of “forcing” myself to make love with him, but it is my obligation as a wife. My body isn’t just mine anymore (1 Corinthians 7:4). I prayed and asked the Lord to give me my drive and enjoyment for sex with my husband back and He answered. It feels like we’re the newlywed bunny rabbits we used to be. I strongly feel that if you’re like me, you can implement just 3 things that will help you experience the pleasure you desire to feel again. Here’s how you can spice up your sex life in no time:

1. HAVE SEX EVERY SINGLE DAY. We started doing this and I honestly didn’t think I’d enjoy it as much as I have been. If we don’t do it every day, we make sure that we don’t go more than a day. Studies show that having sex everyday with your spouse can have incredible benefits. For me, it has improved my mood, reduced my stress and anxiety, boosted my libido and made me fall head over heels in love with my husband all over again. I’ve been walking around this house giggly and cheerful and every time I randomly look over at Elliot, I can’t wait to get my hands on him later. 

2. USE A BLINDFOLD. This is a tip I had no idea would work. I actually thought it was corny initially until I realized how mind blowing the experience is. Elliot is the one who saw this on Instagram and then reached for my Savage X Fenty blindfold. He said he was reading up on how taking away a sense during sex can increase pleasure and boah was the brotha right! This was helpful for me because I can get distracted by light easily even if my eyes are rolled in the back of my head. Lol. I’m not sure why, but being blindfolded makes the orgasm 10 times stronger, too. Trust me.

3. FOREPLAY IN MORE THAN ONE WAY. Ladies, y’all know that foreplay for us starts outside of the bedroom. One of the ways we incorporate foreplay into our sex life is by sexting. I know – this sounds childish. But for me, since one of my top love languages is words of affirmation now that I’m a mom, Elliot knows this and takes full advantage. Words of affirmation are important to him too so sexting makes everything fun and exciting. It also allows us to look forward to the moment. In addition to sexting, body-rubs and innocent massages usually turn into the most magical nights. Just imagine you had a long day of working, cleaning, and/or chasing after a wild toddler. You just got done cooking and your back & feet are on fire. After taking a nice hot shower, your man sees you on the bed trying to unwind and comes over to whisper in your ear, “let me help you relax.” Then hetakes out your favorite body oil and starts rubbing on you with his big, firm hands – not missing an inch of your body. I mean you have no choice but to get it on-and-poppin’ from there. And…the longer the foreplay, the stronger the orgasm.

Our sex life is alive and healthy now and I can’t be anymore grateful about it because those postpartum months of not desiring to give and get pleasure were awful. You honor the Lord by pouring into your marriage with the water of sex. He is pleased when you and your husband are too.

Cheers to a hot and spicy sex life, wifey! You deserve it. 

Xo- Riss