Confidence and self-esteem is something that we all struggle with as women. And if you’re sitting there thinking, “not me,” you’re lying! We all have things about ourselves that we don’t like. Lack of confidence and low-self esteem was the duo that held me back from being the woman who God called me to be for a long time. A lot of people think that you can cover up a lack of confidence and low self-esteem by “fixing” whatever they think is wrong with them – but the truth is…your confidence and self-esteem is rooted in knowing who you are and whose you are. We’re all somebody and we all belong to someone. I believe that every personal problem in life is rooted in an identity crisis. This is why the enemy works overtime to make sure that we don’t really know who we are. Knowing who and whose you are sets a solid foundation for you to be stable in life, for the rest of your life. It is imperative that we instill confidence and self-esteem in our children from the time that they are born (this is another huge reason why we should not physically discipline them because it bruises their ego. More on that here). Esteemed children grow into confident adults. My husband, parents, and close family & friends consistently esteem me, still, even as an adult. Although our confidence and self-esteem should not come from outward validation, it’s important to have a community of people who will remind you of who you are. Confidence and self-esteem is internal validation that should be planted deep in your heart.

Jesus lived perfectly confident. He knew exactly who He was, who He belonged to, and what He was sent on earth to accomplish. This is the formula for total confidence: identity + assurance + purpose = confidence. You cannot have one without the other two. You can’t have two without the other one. When you know who God has created you to be, why you’re important to Him, and why He created you in the first place, walking in confidence is inevitable and our trust in Him is the foundation that we walk on. It’s an easy concept to grasp once you apply this formula to your own life. I didn’t have high self-esteem and start walking in confidence until my mid-twenties. If you’re reading this and you are a certain age where you feel like lack of confidence and low self-esteem is holding you back from being the best version of yourself, don’t beat yourself up. Remind yourself that you have a God-given purpose and a life assignment to accomplish. Remind yourself that you are important, and that God created you to be a solution to a problem in the Earth.

Here are 3 things I used to immediately boost my confidence and self-esteem that you can use too:

1. Get in God’s word and write down everything that God has said about you. Yes sis, dust off your Bible, crack it open, and begin to search the scriptures for all of the things the Lord has said about you. Don’t make this difficult. You can google, “scriptures on what God says about me” or, “key scriptures for identity.” Make a list and highlight the scriptures in your Bible. Write them separately on sticky notes and post them around your home. Recite them out loud every morning. Rehearse them until they get deep inside your heart. Sooner than later, your subconscious mind will pick them up and you’ll look up and realize that you’re more confident. God doesn’t lie. What He says about you is true. Start acting like it.

2. Focus on your best qualities and all of the good things about yourself. It doesn’t help our confidence or self-esteem when we’re constantly talking negatively about ourselves. I know because I used to do it all the time and still do sometimes. We’re all our biggest critics. An easy way to focus on the best qualities and the good things about yourself is to turn the negative things into positive ones. For example: I beat up on myself. Alot. Especially when it comes to my work. That’s clearly a negative thing – but, the reason why I beat up on myself is because I have such high standards. I strive to do everything in excellence. That’s a positive thing! Doing everything at a high standard and in excellence is one of my best qualities and I benefit from it. I could look at it from a negative perspective, or I can choose to look at it from a positive one. Focus on the good things about yourself and hone in on that.

3. Avoid things that tempt you to compare yourself to someone else. I know, girl. This one is tough. We live in a social media age that makes it dang near impossible to not compare ourselves to other people. But comparison is a dannnngerous thing. It starts out as a subtle, innocent-like thing…but comparison turns into jealousy, jealousy turns into envy, and envy turns into murder. Yeah – it gets that deep. If you have to delete your social media apps for some time, do that. If you have to stop watching certain shows for a while, do that. Even if you have to stop talking to some people until you no longer feel a way about them, do it. Nip comparison in the bud as soon as it rears its sneaky head. When you catch yourself comparing your life, looks, journey, etc. to someone else’s, the first thing that you should do is start thanking God for the things that you have. Practice gratitude. It’s impossible to compare yourself while simultaneously focusing on what the Lord has done for you and in your life. 

This isn’t an overnight process. No no one is 100% confident with perfect self-esteem. Once you start learning yourself and who God uniquely created you to be and once you start learning who you are in Him and who He is in you, walking in confidence and high self-esteem is inevitable. You deserve to live the life that you were created to live. 

Xo – Riss 

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