Lorissa Nelson

Posted By:

June 15, 2023

Posted On:

Posted In:

When You Pray to be a More Patient, Kind, and Loving Wife/Mom…

I was having a really tough week. Physically – I had yet another ovarian cyst rupture which caused a fever and immense pain along with a horrible headache that refused to go away. Emotionally – my heart was feeling cold, numb, and completely turned off to my husband. There was a lot on my heart that I was putting off communicating to him because I knew it would leave him feeling uncomfortable. I was feeling like a terrible mom (I always do) because I wasn’t in the mood to be around my children. The pain from the cyst rupture coupled with how easily overwhelmed & overstimulated I get around them made everything worse. Mentally – yeah right. My mental health was in the trash. I won’t even go into detail about how in shambles it was.

I can’t remember exactly what happened, but I know I said or did something that made me feel like an awful mom, specifically to Elora. When she went to bed for the evening, I prayed and asked the Lord to help me be a better, more patient, kind and living wife and mother. I had been letting stuff pile up internally and as soon as I was shaken, I would explode. I know I’m not perfect by ANY means, but every time I’d have this occurrence I’d be reminded of my very weak, sinful humanity. It’s a gut wrenching feeling that makes you more aware of the mercy and grace that you need more & more of on a daily basis. 

Anyways…it’s Saturday. Saturdays used to be one of my favorite days of the week (in addition to Sundays) because Elliot and I could look forward to getting somewhat of a “break.” Elora usually goes over his parents’ house every weekend to spend time with her grandmother for the day and it was our little way to decompress from parenthood and either spend the time with each other that we don’t really get to spend during the weekdays, or have our personal “me time” –– he’d go off and do his own thing and I’d stay home and do mine. Since my mother-n-love’s recent health scare, Elora has been home with us on Saturdays. Having a newborn and a 3 year old is hard enough, but it’s REALLY hard when you’re a highly sensitive person, you and your partner both work from home, you struggle with your physical health, your newborn is colicky and your 3 year old has the energy of a bunny rabbit. I just happen to wake up before 6am after a few hrs of broken sleep from hearing Elaina cry from the living room during the middle of the night and I already wasn’t sleeping well because my soul hadn’t been at ease due to my physical, mental, and emotional condition those past few weeks. Elora woke up earlier than usual and that was trigger number one. I cannot stand when she wakes up early on the weekend. I didn’t get as much time to myself as I usually do. I had almost passed out in the shower because of the intense headache I had. My hair was falling out in literal chunks as I was washing it due to being postpartum and I was horrified watching it all go down the drain. Trigger number…I don’t even know at this point because so many things triggered me in between the time Elora woke up and me exploding (we’ll get there) – Elliot spilled a whole entire bottle of fresh milk that I had just got done pumping for Elaina because of his unwillingness to pay attention to detail (which is something I’ve had an issue with for a while and he was very aware because we had just had the conversation). The milk thing sent me over the edge because I had just thrown at least 20 oz of milk away from not knowing how long it had been in the refrigerator (I didn’t know it was only supposed to be in the fridge for up to 8 days) and I was diligently trying to build my stash back up…but the push that tipped the boat over was Elaina waking up from her nap hollering to the point of vomiting and for over 30 minutes. When I realized there was nothing to do to calm her, I aggressively handed her off to Elliot, stormed into my office, slammed the door shut and locked it. I sat in my chair and started massaging my temples because the headache I woke up with got worse the more the tension built throughout the day and I just…started to cry. I texted my sister and started venting, again (we always vent to each other especially in the moments when we should turn to God instead of each other, admittedly). I sat there, in the silence, and the Holy Spirit whispered these words to me…

“Didn’t you just pray to be a more patient, kind, and loving wife and mother? Can you not see that I’m giving you opportunity after opportunity to answer you? How much more will you fail these tests?”

I immediately repented. These are the moments when the enemy will try to use guilt and condemnation against you. Luckily for those of us who are in Christ, we don’t have to fall for it. He tried his best to build a case against me — but instead I leaned into the questions that the Lord asked me and basked in the delight of recognizing that even in these really, REALLY hard moments, He is extending to us grace, mercy, love, and kindness. 

I went out of my office, found my little family and apologized for the way I had been behaving. How I haven’t been a very patient, kind or loving wife and mama. I laid in my hudband’s lap and asked for their forgiveness…and just like the Father does us, they embraced me with loving, open arms, kissed & hugged me, asked if there was anything they could to do help, and let me know that they still love me. We ended up getting out of the house and I thought the happily ever after part of the story would’ve happened by now. It did not.

We went out and I could not shake my mood. It was like there was a cloud of heaviness hovering over me. I think it was just a buildup of everything — the overwhelm, the overstimulation, the chronic stress and burnout, the fact that I have never had a legitimate break since I’ve been a mother going on 4 years. The fact that I feel like these kids come between me and my husband, the fact that we have YET to go on a honeymoon, the fact that I so badly just want to be a normal person and not a highly sensitive one…ALL OF IT. Later that evening, Elaina started her her infamous hollering fit. And she went for HOURS. I decided to lay down because at this point my head felt like someone had dropped a brick on it. I just laid in the dark, listening to Elora throw her three year old temper tantrums and Elaina screaming at the top of her lungs well past her bedtime. I knew my husband was struggling with the girls but I didn’t really care. I didn’t have the bandwidth to care. Shortly into the chaos, he texted me and asked if I could go into the bathroom with Elora and monitor her bath-time while he tried to get Elaina to sleep. I literally dragged myself out of bed, went in the bathroom, sat on the stool and completely zoned out. I sat there in the most non-responsive daze as my bubbly, bright, and strong-willed babygirl begged me to play with her. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. It felt like my head was going to burst into a million little pieces, the weariness started to consume me — I tried my absolute best, but she knew something was wrong. The enemy likes to corner me like this because he knows that if he can get me to a weak place like this, he can get me to believe his lies. And he did. All I kept hearing was, “you’re ruining your girls. Look at you…can’t even have fun giving your daughter a bath. You’re pathetic. They’re gonna grow up resenting you. How could you leave your husband to struggle by himself while you just sit here? You’re such a burden to them. You might as well get up and leave…they’d be better off without you.” Elliot walked back into the kitchen to get Elaina’s bottle together to see if that would stop her from screaming and I heard him doing everything…alone. Struggling with one arm. I still couldn’t get up. He came into the bathroom, saw me, and told Elora, “I need you to give yourself a bath. Remember how I taught you the other night?” She responded in the cutest way. It was like I was invisible to them even though I was sitting right there on the stool. My eyes filled with tears and my chest started feeling like it was going to cave in. I finally got the strength to get up and go to the bedroom. I laid down and started having a panic attack. “Maybe you’re right” I said to the devil. “Maybe they are better off without me.” I kept overhearing my patient husband struggle as he was trying to finish Elora’s bath and stop Elaina from hollering. Elaina was crying so hard to the point where she was having coughing fits. I don’t really care how “out of it” I am — if I hear or see my babies in distress I’m gonna snap out of it and come to their rescue. No matter what. I went in there to grab Elaina, took her out of her clothes, changed her diaper and laid her on my chest. Once she was calm, I gave her the bottle Elliot made, she took it and fell asleep on me. After Elora was done with her bath and got dressed, she came and found me with the biggest smile on her face as if she forgot all about me being too weak to give her a bath. Anytime she sees me her face just lights up. That’s how I know that what the enemy was trying to convince me of were all lies. 


As my girls and I sat in the bed together, the dark cloud that had been consuming me all day finally swallowed me up. At least that’s what it seemed like. I was plotting to leave after the girls’ went to sleep for the evening. I didn’t know where I was going or if I’d even return, but I most definitely wanted to bounce. Elliot came in the room and I told him to take Elaina because I was about to leave. He asked me where I was going and I replied “I don’t know.” He straight up told me no. Lol. “If I have to hide every single one of these keys I will. You ain’t going nowhere.” I knew he’d say that so I don’t even know why I got upset. Elora was co-signing on the side. He started asking me a a series of questions and I told him I didn’t want to have those kind of conversations in front of our extremely smart and conscious 3 year old who eventually caught on to what was happening which was the exact reason why I try to hide how I’m really feeling from her. She laid on my lap so that I wouldn’t leave and eventually fell asleep. Elliot pulled me up and led me to the couch. “I’m not trying to pastor you right now” (because he is definitely a pastor and pastors me all the time in these situations lol) “I’m trying to be your husband who is your protector and leader and because of that, I cannot let you leave this house. Your emotions are too high and you’re not in the right headspace.” I’ll spare you the rest of the details, but he eventually ended up talking me down and then started praying for me. Any time this man prays over me I’m always amazed at how articulate he is and how well he petitions the Lord. He KNOWS God, okay?! I can’t help but to get turned on whenever he goes in for me lollll. We ended up talking for a good hour and I finally went to sleep for the evening — without ever leaving the house. I slept good because he prayed that I would. But when I woke up that Sunday morning, that cloud of heaviness was still lingering.

I’m not sure if I already said this or not because this story is starting to get really long, but he told me to stay home from so that I can have some much needed time to myself and he would just take the girls. I agreed to the plan, but when I walked into my office and sat at my desk that Sunday morning settled on not going, the Lord spoke to me clear as day. “Get up and get ready.” I didn’t hesitate. One thing about me…Ima always be obedient. Period. And I did exactly that. I didn’t want to though. It was pouring down raining and I really just did not feel like it. When the girls got up, the Sunday morning chaos commenced. Honestly after the way my husband had prayed for me that night before, I was expecting the morning to be a breeze. It was not. I was rushing, per usual. Elora was tantruming, per usual. Elaina was being Elaina, per usual. I just sighed and silently asked God to just get me through the day. I tried to shake it off as best as I could when we got to church and worship started. I do a great job outwardly masking how I feel internally. No one outside of my husband really knows how I’m doing other than what I tell them when they ask. Praise & worship was hot fire as always, but that cloud that wouldn’t lift just kept getting darker & darker even as my hands were lifted in worship. The cherry on top was when I looked in my brand new LV Neverfull bag that Elliot bought me as my push gift and saw that Elaina’s bag of milk spilled everywhere. I legit almost started crying. “Wow, another bag of milk. Wasted. In my brand new LV bag.” The presence of the Lord was so thick in the house that it felt tangible. My sister-friend, Tiffany, got up and started exhorting. It was like God was speaking directly to me straight through her. I felt this pull from the alter and I had no choice but to go. As tears streamed down my face, I fell to my knees and released everything that I had been bottling up for the longest. So much so that my stomach and chest literally started hurting. It was a lot. Mama Rhonda came behind me and started doing an impromptu deliverance session. I won’t go into detail, but every spirit that had a grip on me finally let me go. I’l never forget the words she spoke over me. It’s like she knew everything. My husband kneeled behind me covering me in prayer as she was laboring with me. She even said, “your man was right there with you tryna get you free, girl!” as we were joking after we were done. I got up from that alter feeling so free. So much lighter. I realized that day how much the Lord really cares about our freedom. How invested He is in our peace and joy on a daily basis. How much He’s willing to be right beside us in the most tumultuous of storms. 

If you hadn’t caught on by now, let me make it plain and simple: The Lord allows the hard situations in our everyday mundane lives as wives and mothers to give us ample opportunity to become more like Him — patient, loving, kind, merciful, gracious, and gentle. It is up to us, during those hard, sometimes grueling moments, to recognize HIS goodness & faithfulness in providing us the amazing opportunity to grow in our patience, love, and kindness. He is faithful, and He’ll always want to provide us with the chance to become more like His son, Jesus. That’s the whole point of Christianity. That’s the whole point of being Christian wives and moms. When we pray to be better women for our husbands and children, please believe the hard will get harder and the going will get tougher. It is literally our perfect Father letting us know that He indeed hears us, even we think He doesn’t.

It has now been a good amount of time since I’ve felt that spirit of heaviness. Ever since that beautiful Sunday when I got delivered from everything I was struggling with (sadness, hopelessness, etc.), I can honestly say that I’ve been so much more joyful and at peace in my everyday life as a wife and mother. I go through the motions of the mundane with a grateful and cheerful heart. I’m excited to wake up and serve the Lord by serving my family to the best of my ability. I feel closer than the Lord now more than ever.

Have things in your life been just plain hard lately? Have you felt like you’ve reached your breaking point? Have you been daydreaming about running away from your reality and never coming back? Girl, me too! But we know we can’t leave. We know we can’t give up. We know we can’t fold and throw in the towel just because things are hard and we want out. I love my life, even in the hard moments. I know you do, too. We were called to this life as wives and mothers to lovingly serve our family and be the lioness that wages war against the kingdom of hell by doing so. Do not give the enemy the upper hand by allowing him to use our own lack of love, patience, and kindness against us. Get up, dust yourself off, and fight back. We have to too much riding on this.

Spoiler: we already have the victory through Christ.

Xo – Riss

  1. Cellina says:

    I love how God makes SURE that we don’t stay in our mess or he doesn’t allow us to be downcasted for an amount of time. He loves his children and your testimony screams that.

    • Nina Johnson says:

      Thank God for your obedience and willingness to move when He says move. Had you not gotten dressed for church that Sunday, your testimony wouldn’t be the same. We thank God for your venerability. Keep showing us the goodness of God in your life so we can hold on a little longer 💜

  2. Shana Scoggins says:

    This was so powerful!!!! Thank you for sharing! I’m a 41 year old wife and mother and though my kids are older and I’ve been in wife and motherhood longer I can still relate. What a great reminder! God is so good!

    Side note: I pray you write a book one day. The way you write is refreshing!

  3. B says:

    Not a wife or a mother but I appreciate the transparency. The Christian walk is truly for the weak…weak meaning that we are weak in our own flesh, and that our strength to continue on comes from Christ and Christ alone. Thank you for sharing as this edified me in my own weakness. To God be the Glory

  4. Kelly-Ann says:

    This was such an amazing testimony! Thank you for your vulnerability and transparency! I’m encouraged.

  5. Garcene Gilmore-Richards says:

    This resonated with me so much. Thanks for this, I really needed to know that I’m not alone in feeling the way I feel.

  6. Michelle says:

    Listen, I have no idea when the tears started to fall as I read this but your transparency is palpable! We have the victory and the enemy is defeated but the way you walked us step by step through all of this, whew! I am thankful to God for your hubby and how he supports you. I’m grateful for your church family! My son is 36 but somehow I can relate to how you were feeling. You give hope to dark situations! You showed that breakthrough is available and is the end game so to speak. Thank you! May The Lord continue to bless and keep your family!

  7. Phyllis Williamson says:

    I cried reading this because I do understand. When I was younger, the devil almost had me to take my own life because I I had no feelings. It was like I was dead anyway. I don’t remember getting my father’s gun, and putting it to my head. All I remember is hearing my mom’s knocking on the back door calling my name. I went to the door with the gun in my hand, and my mom taking out of my hand, then she hugged me tightly. She lead me to the den, and I sat down. I started to come out of the deep hold the of all the devil lies which he had told me. It was at that moment that I knew God was not ready for me because he used my mama to save me. Next thing was that my mom called our family members because she had never been in that situation, neither had I. I’m thankful that my mother always told us to follow our first mind which is the Holy Spirit within us guiding us to do what’s right. I was ashamed facing my family, but they were so loving, and kind to me making me feel like I was truly loved even though they didn’t understand why I would want to kill myself. Since then God put me in two situations where two ladies came to me telling me that they were gonna kill themselves. They both are gay, and each situation happened at different times. I’m a person who keeps to myself when I use to work because I don’t like mess. The first young lady was my lead supervisor, and she wasn’t kind to me, and needless to say I didn’t like her. She came to the telling me that she was going to kill herself. In my thoughts I’m listening talking to God asking him why he sent her to me out of all the people I thought were her friends. I told God I didn’t want to help her not because she was gay, but because of the way she treated me. All the time I’m listening to her talk to me, but I was talking to God giving him reasons why I didn’t want to encourage her in no kinda of way, but I told God that he know I didn’t want to help her, but I was because he wanted me. I tell you til this day I don’t remember what she said to me, or what I said to her, but she hugged me, and thanked me for my help. That night while I played I remembered how ugly I acted not wanting to be kind to her, and the way I was complaining to God about not wanting to help her, I cried, and I was ashamed of myself, and the way I spoke to God. I prayed asking God to forgive me, and I know he did because of his GRACE, and MERCY he has for all of us sinners. I learned that I had to have love, compassion, Grace, and Mercy for others even when they treat me wrong because God shows me grace, mercy, and love. It’s not easy to treat others the way I want to be treated regardless of the way they treat me, but my mom always taught us that is the way we are to be towards others. With the other young lady I wanted to help because I had learned how to do God’s will for my life which is to put him first above EVERYTHING else, others, and myself last because I know he will always be there for me, and give me his strength to be there for others he put in my path. My life has not been easy because I’m not perfect, and sometimes doesn’t want to do what God wants me to do, but it’s my responsibility to be kind to the unkind people because as Jesus died for ALL of us sinners to save us to get us back right with God, and over the years I’ve learned to pray,talk, and meditate on God’s Truth every morning before I start my day asking him for his strength to do his will glorifying him only to lead others to Jesus by picking up my own cross daily and carry mine like Jesus did which nothing that I go through cannot measure up to what Jesus did for an undeserving sinner like me. I pray asking God to help me be who he created me to be which means, I must be slow to speak, and listen to the people who treat me unkind more because I had to realize those are the people who wants to be lead to Jesus, and listening to the Holy Spirit within guiding the words I speaks, but more so my actions which people pay attention to more. With God’s strength I’m able to carry out his will daily because he gives me everything I need to accomplish his will to glorify him. I must admit that it’s difficult losing yourself, and following Jesus ways that is why spending my morning with God being thankful to him waking me up to serve him, and his will for my life not my own because those days I don’t spend time meditating asking him for his strength, and help me for the day everything goes wrong, and it’s then I realized I didn’t start my day with God. God knows us better than we know ourselves, and he knows we won’t always get it right but I keep in my thoughts that’s why Jesus is alive seated at the right side of God still interceding for us sinners when we do wrong, and when we asks for forgiveness, and mean it from our heart he forgives us which gets us back in God’s GRACE, and MERCY. I’m praying for you, and your family’s strength each day to deal with whatever life, challenges, and most of all the devil lies he uses against us when we are weak. I hate that devil,but he’s doing his best to turn us against God, and our SINLESS SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST, and we are loved by God even in our wrong doing, and that’s why he gave us our Savior Jesus Christ who will always be there for us, and we are FOREVER SEALED with the HOLY SPIRIT we are NEVER ALONE. God bless ya’ll.

  8. Rischica says:

    This! Thankyou from all moms❤️

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You'll also love...


You're in!

Back to Top

© The Heir Collective | 2021